I Can Do All Things....

Philippians 4:13 

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Lately it has felt like I can't do all things. And it stinks feeling that way. 

Let's go back about two months. J.R., my mom, and grandma got to come visit and we traveled to Iceland, London, and Paris. 

Then they came back to Stockholm for a few days and that was lots of fun. 

I was doing super great and not feeling any anxiety or sadness about staying another year or maybe even two. 

They left and went home and I was still good. I went to church the Sunday after and a new American family had moved into our ward, who have some kids around my age. 

Fast forward a couple weeks and I went out with one of them a couple times and had a really great time. We walked around Stockholm for a few hours both times and talked. 

Like, a normal college age adult conversation, instead of conversations with a 5 or 3 year old...which is what my conversations are almost every day.

And then he left for school and I was like, holy cow. I'm stuck here in Sweden for another year and I don't have people my age that I can hang out with and talk to. 

This stinks. 

Then my ONE YEAR MARK in Sweden hit and the thoughts started coming that I could have been going back to Utah right now.... 

I may have cried on the phone to my dad at night for a week straight..

I got a lot of support from friends and family on Facebook though and that helped a ton. 

Okay, this isn't all a sad post.

 I am doing TONS better. It was just a few weeks of rough nights, but Big Jim got me through and listened to me say the same things over and over and over again every night. 

Talked me down a few times. And let me just say, all of you who don't have Big Jim as a dad should be WAY jealous. I can't wait to see him in 102 days.. (not that I'm counting or anything) 

Onto the happy part of this part. Even though in my head I have been freaking out, 

I have felt a lot of peace and love and support from Heavenly Father. When I'm sitting quietly and trying not to think too much, I feel so much comfort, which has been so good. 

Tonight, I went for a walk and watched the sunset, and it reminded me of last year 

when I first got here, I went to watch a sunset and began to be so grateful 

for the life that I was going to be able to live in Sweden. I still feel all those same feelings :) 

I love that I get to live by the water and can go watch and listen to the peaceful sounds of the waves.

I LOVE sunsets... a lot. 

I love that no matter where I am Heavenly Father is there for me, comforting me. 

I love that I can talk to my dad on the phone whenever I feel like it because of modern technology.

I love Beatrice and William.

I love the amazing people I've met here in Sweden.

I love any of you who actually read this whole blog post ;)

So yeah, it's been rough, but its the rough patches that make me appreciate all the little things and the happy times even more!

Counting My Many Blessings

The last few weeks I have been feeling so, so grateful for all of the blessings that 

Heavenly Father has given me. 

-Jesus Christ, my Savior, who gave me and everyone in this world the Atonement

-My family: my dad, brother, and mom. 

They support me and give me pep talks when I need them, especially my pops. 

Been missing that guy lots lately

-This awesome job that I have: Beatrice and William and soon to be Baby #3 

have my heart right now. I can't stay sad when I'm around them. 

-The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints: it's the same wherever in the 

world you go + I probably wouldn't have half the friends I have if it weren't for the church

-The Book of Mormon: it gives me the comfort I need daily 

and sometimes can take the words right out of my head, describing my feelings

-The youth in my Sunday School class 

-Technology: I am easily able to stay in contact with friends and family

There are so many more, but that's all I will share today. 

I am so happy with where I am in life right now

 and this experience has caused me to learn and grow a lot. 

And I know that I will continue to be able to grow the next few years.

Six down.. Eighteen to go!

In case you didn't know this about me, I am a very indecisive person. 

Like really indecisive.

But I also really don't like having things be up in the air, and not knowing what is going to happen in my life.

So about a month and a half after I got here I was already anxious about making a decision on whether I would stay past the year that I had agreed to. 

Like  super anxious. 

I went back a forth for a while and then had decided for sure I wasn't going to stay. 

That I would go back to Utah and finally go to school for what I should have since I started too many years ago. 

I went home at Christmas and told everyone I would see them in less then a year. That I would be back in the US in mere months. 

And then I came back after Christmas and I did a lot better then I thought. No tears or anything. Which surprised me a whole bunch.

So then I got to thinking about staying again. Because honestly, I would miss a lot of things:

-William and Beatrice's laughs

-the way when I go to pick William up from school, when he sees me, he stops doing what he's doing and starts running to me, yelling "Miss Jenae!"

-how excited Beatrice and I both get when she learns something new

-William looking up and slowly smiling

-teaching Beatrice and William, it's one of my favorite things and I don't know why/how it took my so long to realize that teaching preschool is my calling in life!

-the Strauss family.. who have become my Swedish American family (I finally have the younger brothers I always wanted :) )

-the beautiful scenery 

-being able to end sentences with "...in Sweden" 

I could name lots more, but I won't bore you. 

I'll just tell you that I changed my mind.. I'm staying in Sweden, until at least August 2016. I've got a while before I'll start getting anxious about the year after that :) 

Come visit me! You have 18 months! 

Adventure Time: Amsterdam

I had the awesome opportunity to go to Amsterdam, Netherlands last weekend! 

It was so great going and seeing a part of the world I'd only dreamed about being able to see. 

Saturday I just walked around and explored and got lost a few times. 

I went on a boat canal tour and learned about the history of Amsterdam. Then Saturday night I went and did a tour of the Anne Frank House.

Holy Cow. 

I wanted to cry more then half the time when walking through it. Hearing and seeing the circumstances her and her family were in was such a horrifying piece of history that I got to experience. 

Then Sunday I got to hang out with one of J.R.'s roommates that was in Amsterdam for a school competition! It was so awesome but made me kind of sad at the same time. 

I miss all my friends in Utah and my brother and his roommates, who came to be like 5 more brothers that I never thought I would have. 

I'm trying to remember all the great parts even when I get sad about how lonely I get sometimes.

I have to admit... I was tearing up when I went to the airport. But the thing that set me off.....

they took my peanut butter at security!!!!! 

J.R. was awesome and bought me a few things (one of them being PB) and sent them with Alex, and I didn't think twice about having them in my carry-on. 

But nope. They took it. And yeah, I went into the airport bathroom and cried. 

It's funny now that I think about it, that losing my Peanut Butter was what set me off. 

So you're allowed to laugh at me too.

(this one isn't Amsterdam, sunset from Thursday!)

First solo trip in Europe done! Next adventure... I'm thinking Paris. 

Adventures Adventures!

I had my second day off yesterday! It was so great and I got to spend it with the sister missionaries that are serving in my ward. They have been such a blessing to me, and are honestly my main friends. They come over once a week and have dinner with me and we just talk. It's great, and I'm so glad that I've been able to meet them and have their friendship. 

We went to Drottningholm Palace, which is where the king and queen live. 

It. Is. Gorgeous. 

Fall has always been my favorite season in NY, but it's even better here. Like, so much better. Not only are the colors amazing, but everything is so artsy and cute that it makes it 20x cooler. 

So, if you want to visit Sweden, visit in the fall. 

BUT. Not in October, the last week of September would be prime. As I'm now figuring out, lots of things shut down as soon as October hits. 

More facts about Sweden:

-Dogs are allowed everywhere. Buses, trains, stores, you name it, they're allowed. 

-There are like, no police. I saw someone pulled over for the first time last week.......I've been here almost two months.

-Pumpkins are EXPENSIVE. I found a medium sized one for 100 krona, which is the equivalent of 15 dollars and I was excited about how cheap it was. We want to carve pumpkins (sisters, elders and I) so now I just need to find one more "inexpensive" one. 

I'm living in...Sweden!?

Every once in a while over the past four weeks the thought has come to me...

"I'm in Sweden, what the heck?!"

It's yet to completely sink in, which is good I guess, cause I appreciate it more every time I think it to myself.

The last three weeks have been so much better than my first week here! 

I've been able to get out and explore, meet some awesome people, learn some Swedish phrases, and pretty much have to go, "English?" to anyone who tries to talk to me. 

Things about Sweden you may not have known:

-They have manpri's here... as in man-capri's. 

Whatever you're picturing in your head, it's about 5x worse

-To my calculations, about 50-60% of the people here smoke. 

The other day I was going to pick up the children from daycare and

 there were kids, like 13 or 14, taking a break from school.....smoking.. like, what?

-The public transportation is awesome.

-A lot of people wear sandals........with socks. It needs to be stopped

-Almost everything closes by 7 on weeknights, and 5 on weekends. Tis craziness

That's all I've got for now! Still no internet at our house, so I'm only able to get on sparingly.

Here are some gorgeous pictures I've taken the last few weeks. 

Haven't asked if I'm allowed to post pictures of the kids yet, so you won't get to see their cute faces until I do...if they say yes.

Hej da! (Goodbye) Said/sounds like: Hado, or Hello over-enthusiastically!