I Can Do All Things....

Philippians 4:13 

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Lately it has felt like I can't do all things. And it stinks feeling that way. 

Let's go back about two months. J.R., my mom, and grandma got to come visit and we traveled to Iceland, London, and Paris. 

Then they came back to Stockholm for a few days and that was lots of fun. 

I was doing super great and not feeling any anxiety or sadness about staying another year or maybe even two. 

They left and went home and I was still good. I went to church the Sunday after and a new American family had moved into our ward, who have some kids around my age. 

Fast forward a couple weeks and I went out with one of them a couple times and had a really great time. We walked around Stockholm for a few hours both times and talked. 

Like, a normal college age adult conversation, instead of conversations with a 5 or 3 year old...which is what my conversations are almost every day.

And then he left for school and I was like, holy cow. I'm stuck here in Sweden for another year and I don't have people my age that I can hang out with and talk to. 

This stinks. 

Then my ONE YEAR MARK in Sweden hit and the thoughts started coming that I could have been going back to Utah right now.... 

I may have cried on the phone to my dad at night for a week straight..

I got a lot of support from friends and family on Facebook though and that helped a ton. 

Okay, this isn't all a sad post.

 I am doing TONS better. It was just a few weeks of rough nights, but Big Jim got me through and listened to me say the same things over and over and over again every night. 

Talked me down a few times. And let me just say, all of you who don't have Big Jim as a dad should be WAY jealous. I can't wait to see him in 102 days.. (not that I'm counting or anything) 

Onto the happy part of this part. Even though in my head I have been freaking out, 

I have felt a lot of peace and love and support from Heavenly Father. When I'm sitting quietly and trying not to think too much, I feel so much comfort, which has been so good. 

Tonight, I went for a walk and watched the sunset, and it reminded me of last year 

when I first got here, I went to watch a sunset and began to be so grateful 

for the life that I was going to be able to live in Sweden. I still feel all those same feelings :) 

I love that I get to live by the water and can go watch and listen to the peaceful sounds of the waves.

I LOVE sunsets... a lot. 

I love that no matter where I am Heavenly Father is there for me, comforting me. 

I love that I can talk to my dad on the phone whenever I feel like it because of modern technology.

I love Beatrice and William.

I love the amazing people I've met here in Sweden.

I love any of you who actually read this whole blog post ;)

So yeah, it's been rough, but its the rough patches that make me appreciate all the little things and the happy times even more!

Counting My Many Blessings

The last few weeks I have been feeling so, so grateful for all of the blessings that 

Heavenly Father has given me. 

-Jesus Christ, my Savior, who gave me and everyone in this world the Atonement

-My family: my dad, brother, and mom. 

They support me and give me pep talks when I need them, especially my pops. 

Been missing that guy lots lately

-This awesome job that I have: Beatrice and William and soon to be Baby #3 

have my heart right now. I can't stay sad when I'm around them. 

-The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints: it's the same wherever in the 

world you go + I probably wouldn't have half the friends I have if it weren't for the church

-The Book of Mormon: it gives me the comfort I need daily 

and sometimes can take the words right out of my head, describing my feelings

-The youth in my Sunday School class 

-Technology: I am easily able to stay in contact with friends and family

There are so many more, but that's all I will share today. 

I am so happy with where I am in life right now

 and this experience has caused me to learn and grow a lot. 

And I know that I will continue to be able to grow the next few years.

Six down.. Eighteen to go!

In case you didn't know this about me, I am a very indecisive person. 

Like really indecisive.

But I also really don't like having things be up in the air, and not knowing what is going to happen in my life.

So about a month and a half after I got here I was already anxious about making a decision on whether I would stay past the year that I had agreed to. 

Like  super anxious. 

I went back a forth for a while and then had decided for sure I wasn't going to stay. 

That I would go back to Utah and finally go to school for what I should have since I started too many years ago. 

I went home at Christmas and told everyone I would see them in less then a year. That I would be back in the US in mere months. 

And then I came back after Christmas and I did a lot better then I thought. No tears or anything. Which surprised me a whole bunch.

So then I got to thinking about staying again. Because honestly, I would miss a lot of things:

-William and Beatrice's laughs

-the way when I go to pick William up from school, when he sees me, he stops doing what he's doing and starts running to me, yelling "Miss Jenae!"

-how excited Beatrice and I both get when she learns something new

-William looking up and slowly smiling

-teaching Beatrice and William, it's one of my favorite things and I don't know why/how it took my so long to realize that teaching preschool is my calling in life!

-the Strauss family.. who have become my Swedish American family (I finally have the younger brothers I always wanted :) )

-the beautiful scenery 

-being able to end sentences with "...in Sweden" 

I could name lots more, but I won't bore you. 

I'll just tell you that I changed my mind.. I'm staying in Sweden, until at least August 2016. I've got a while before I'll start getting anxious about the year after that :) 

Come visit me! You have 18 months!